Happy or Sad?

I'm a little twisted tonight on what to write. Part of me is really happy about things and part of me is sad.... Maybe a cathartic writing of both will cure what ails me so here goes.

First of all - sad. I'm turning 39 tomorrow. That's not a bad birthday I know, but when I look at my life I'm not quite where I wanted to be at this point. Financially we are still struggling way too much for me to feel good. I mean I have a degree and this is my 16th year teaching - my husband is working on his doctorate and he's an administrator so you'd think we'd be at least better off, but it's still tough to make it some months. So that makes me not happy.

Second, raising two teenage boys is tougher than I ever thought it would be. With a work-aholic husband I feel like I'm on my own too often and not doing a very good job at it. I know I have great kids, but the question is will I survive their raising?

Third - I often wonder when I look at my life - Is this what I had planned? When I was little I used to think I could conquer everything - but have I even made a dent? I don't know? When you get almost 1/2 through your life you have to start thinking these questions.

Okay - now why am I happy? Well - first of all - tomorrow is my birthday, that should always bring a smile. Second, my husband didn't forget! First time in 5 years!! Third - I won a bet with Pete this morning - even though he says it didn't count, Todd agreed that it did so I won! In case you can't guess, I like to win!!

I'm also happy because my oldest is happier - the cripple has been pretty depressed lately with the cast and all. He's been going to the youth program at McFarlin and the extra attetion from the youth director has made a HUGE difference. He's even walked (thigh-high cast and all) to Classic's and McDonald's. He's happy to go to school. That's probably the best thing - to see him getting social again. It was really hard to see him sit in his room and talk about how nobody wanted to be around him and how he didn't want to go to school. Now he's off to Six Flags this Saturday and loving life. He get's a below the knee cast tomorow - he says its my birthday present. That will be another good thing.

So you see - with each year comes the good the bad - the good and the ugly. I guess it's all just in how you take it. I hope I take it okay!