Crap, Crap, and More Crap!!!!!

Just when you think you're done with it it keeps popping up - kind of like a wart that you thought was gone so you stopped putting medicine on it, stopped wearing the band-aids, and sure enough just as you started to forget it it pops up again~ CRAP!!!!!

My husband's youth was crap, his family was crap, and dealing with it now is still - you guessed it - CRAP!

Shortly after I started working at Alcott, I guess its been almost 9 years his brother shot and killed a highway patrol officer during a no-knock drug warrant. It was a lovely affair where he and his then 16 year old son fired upon a car full of officers who drove onto his property with the lights off and their weapons loaded - one of the shots went through the car door and killed the officer.

That began the CRAP of the century. You then have a trial and then a sentencing - then you have an appeal of the sentence and another and another. A death sentence was handed down, but that has been in appeals for several years.

The real crap of the situation is that my husband is one of very few in the whole family (several generations) to get any education beyond high school. He is a professional - and unlike the brother in prison and the other brother - he neither does, sells, or makes drugs - imagine that. needless to say he makes a good character witness so he's called in every time.

Anyway - trying to tie up a long story. Every time a new lawyer comes on the scene they want to sit down with Steve and have him dredge of the horror of their youth as an explanation as to why Kenny would behave the way he did as an adult. Of course that's just the defense side - when they start talking there is always the prosecuter's side who wants to hold Steve up and say "If he could crawl out and make something of himself - then everyone should be able to". It's a tug-of-war with Steve in the middle fighting a personal moral battle of his own.

Anyway - I am going on again - the point is - the phone call came again this evening. new lawyers in town this Friday - Steve has to meet them Friday afternoon and Saturday for interviews - These guys are from Ohio - OH Goody!!! So he gets to drive to Salisaw and spend the weekend dredging up unpleasant memories.

The real trouble is I'm not sure how to help him - right now we as a couple are rocky at best - mostly because he keeps everything in and can't deal with feelings and relationships - I know after what I just wrote it's real no wonder why. But - after these meetings we used to be able to talk a little and at least I felt like I helped - but now we don't really even talk - what do I do? Mitchell's worried about him.....he'll come home and be more withdrawn.

CRAP, CRAP, CRAP!!!! I had plans for starting the new year on a better footer - out smoother, calmer, maybe even a little closer? And now - CRAP!

What Did The Break Bring?

Hmm....What did the break bring? I would have thought the break would have brought more time to blog - but as I was "chided" today - guess not - but it did bring several things!!!

Let's see - rest - YES!!! I think I needed that almost most of all. Those who know me know I'm a morning person, my time at school around 7:15 AM is my favorite time of the day - no-one around - I get so much done. However, I think I ran my tank a little dry because during the break there was MANY a morning where I was still alseep at 9:00 AM - sometimes even 10:00 - that's unheard of for me - I think it's been since high school since I did that - definitely PRE-Children!!!!

Quality time - definitely!! The boys and I did do that - "Catch-Phrase" was fun, quite a few rounds of poker, even a new game - "Fact or Crap" - sounds bad, but it was really fun!!! Of course the boys - all three enjoyed the 360 and the Wii - Dad bringing home a LCD projector and clearing the pictures off one wall didn't hurt either!!!!

Spending money? Always good at that - got a little extra money from the farm so I spent too much for Christmas - isn't that how it always works? But the look on Mitchell's face when he opened the new Ipod touch that I had convinced him he wasn't going to get was definitely worth it!! Mom is GOOD!!! He thought the box was clothes!! I rock!

Enjoying the dogs - you bet. Poor tubbo Max had trouble keeping up but we had several outings to Sutton - Maggie has energy to spare, Max...needs some work!! The trips IN the lake though - GROSS!!!

Driving - or rather letting Mitchell drive?? Scary!!! It kills me to think I have a child nearly old enough to drive... he backed out of my mother's driveway and drove the block to ours and pulled in to our driveway!! I was a little nervous about the whole driving through the house possibility..but he pulled in safe and sound - a little crooked, but no smashed house!!!!

Reading - My favorite thing. My "secret Santa" gave me a gift certificate to the "crazy Ladies" Used Book Store - What a great idea for someone who reads 5-6 books a week!! I read 22 over the break!! Yes - I even read "Twighlight" - I know - how could I, but not only did all of my kids read it but all my friends did too so I had too - surprisingly good - although now I have to read the rest of them - that's the bummer about series! So watch out Lori - I'm going to fight you for Rhonda's books!!!

Anyway - it was a good break - not necessarily a lot of progress on the marriage front, but then again we didn't do a lot of damage either so I guess that's good.

New Rules for the new Year -

1. Eat Breakfast - Going without is not doing me too well - dropping a size is good, but 2?? Probably not a good idea!

2. Chill - I need to breathe a little more - Breathe before I act or react.

3. Have more faith in my kiddos - My children are good kids - I need to try not to be so hard on them - accept that they (like all of us) are not perfect.

4. Enjoy each day!!

It was great to be back at school!!!!