Crap, Crap, and More Crap!!!!!

Just when you think you're done with it it keeps popping up - kind of like a wart that you thought was gone so you stopped putting medicine on it, stopped wearing the band-aids, and sure enough just as you started to forget it it pops up again~ CRAP!!!!!

My husband's youth was crap, his family was crap, and dealing with it now is still - you guessed it - CRAP!

Shortly after I started working at Alcott, I guess its been almost 9 years his brother shot and killed a highway patrol officer during a no-knock drug warrant. It was a lovely affair where he and his then 16 year old son fired upon a car full of officers who drove onto his property with the lights off and their weapons loaded - one of the shots went through the car door and killed the officer.

That began the CRAP of the century. You then have a trial and then a sentencing - then you have an appeal of the sentence and another and another. A death sentence was handed down, but that has been in appeals for several years.

The real crap of the situation is that my husband is one of very few in the whole family (several generations) to get any education beyond high school. He is a professional - and unlike the brother in prison and the other brother - he neither does, sells, or makes drugs - imagine that. needless to say he makes a good character witness so he's called in every time.

Anyway - trying to tie up a long story. Every time a new lawyer comes on the scene they want to sit down with Steve and have him dredge of the horror of their youth as an explanation as to why Kenny would behave the way he did as an adult. Of course that's just the defense side - when they start talking there is always the prosecuter's side who wants to hold Steve up and say "If he could crawl out and make something of himself - then everyone should be able to". It's a tug-of-war with Steve in the middle fighting a personal moral battle of his own.

Anyway - I am going on again - the point is - the phone call came again this evening. new lawyers in town this Friday - Steve has to meet them Friday afternoon and Saturday for interviews - These guys are from Ohio - OH Goody!!! So he gets to drive to Salisaw and spend the weekend dredging up unpleasant memories.

The real trouble is I'm not sure how to help him - right now we as a couple are rocky at best - mostly because he keeps everything in and can't deal with feelings and relationships - I know after what I just wrote it's real no wonder why. But - after these meetings we used to be able to talk a little and at least I felt like I helped - but now we don't really even talk - what do I do? Mitchell's worried about him.....he'll come home and be more withdrawn.

CRAP, CRAP, CRAP!!!! I had plans for starting the new year on a better footer - out smoother, calmer, maybe even a little closer? And now - CRAP!