Sit Back and Shut Up!

Sit back and Shut up are commands that I obviously have trouble with. I've probably always had trouble with those words. Seeing as how I was the first girl born into both my father's and mother's sides for 4 generations each!!! - I didn't have to shut up - in fact whatever I said was golden. Coming from that background of being the only girl with two older brothers you can see how shutting up would have its issues. Now - add to that the fact that both of my brothers caused problems in school. Did I? NO - I was the "golden child". I was out to prove to the world that little girls were perfect and it was only those nasty little boys that were troublesome!

So...you can see how my upbringing kind of set me up for a fall in the "real world". As a teacher I have always tried to get better at what I do - teach. I soak up new techniques like a sponge - always looking for a new way to reach kids or make connections. However - what I often have trouble realizing, is that not everyone moves at my pace. That's not good or bad, its just different. When I see "the light" so to speak, I expect everyone to "see the light". That's not how the world or education for that matter works. So I find myself in a position of pushing too much information too fast on too many people and in a rough way. That means I have to stop talking. As I have been told SEVERAL times this summer - "Jessica - you shouldn't talk". But where exactly does that leave me?

Do I hold everything I believe whole-heartedly to be right and good inside and go my own way? Do I play the sneaky back door voice? Am I capable of staying quiet? If today is any indication, than NO - I'm not. I was told not to talk, just to take pictures, and guess what? I talked! Did I ruin things? Am I evil? What exactly is my roll? Why did I learn all of this information if it wasn't to share? I feel like the bluebird with a new song that has it's beak taped shut. If I'm not to sing what am I to do?

I've asked myself that a lot these last couple of weeks and I still struggle with it. Is it enough to make the difference with my kids in my classroom? Do I still feel the need to make an impact on a grander whole school scale? If so, does it need to be a diffrerent school? Am I ready to let the younger, brighter, more energized youth take up the baton for a better school....and if I am, should I still be teaching? What is my roll?

Can I really sit back and shut up? I haven't managed it for 39 years...who thinks I can really do it now?