Feeling Ashamed!

Today was pretty much of a bummer day.... We had some great presentations by some excellent teachers all telling us things like "remember the children we teach are still just kids", and "don't all kids deserve second chances", and "kids don't always mean to be the obnoxious twits they are"! As I sat through all of these presentations I kept telling myself - well duh..... As a teacher over the last three years I feel that I have the opportunity to attend some fabulous professonal development and really change my attitude toward the kids I teach and why they are they way the are and how to approach them. But there is a flip side to the story - I'm a mother!!

Last night I was at my 7th grade Team party (fabulously successful with 4 poeple) when my son (13) called me screaming and crying. He was truly screaming so loud that I had to hold the phone from my ear - when I did so I looked at 4 totally shocked faces! I tried to calm him down and discuss the issue but about all I could get out of him was "Mitchell did....." Mitchell being the older 14 year old is yelling in the background. I asked to talk to him so he gets on the phone - but instead of talking to me he rants at his brother dropping the F-bomb left and right. At this point the 4 faces are looking more embarassed than I am across the table at me!!!

When I got home I was still so mad and embarassed I tore into them - I gave them the riot act like you wouldn't believe. How dare they embarass me that way in front of the people I work with - How was I to go to work and face those teachers again. Of course you can imagine the response - Mitchell breaks down and says "Fine Mom since I'm such an embarassment just kill me and then you don't have to worry". Peyton's response is a little less sharp "We never can please you can we?"

Okay - so tell me why I can sit through meetings and totally get it about the kids I teach but not my own!!!

They are 13 and 14 - according to the experts they are self-centered - so the fight about the XBox last night was life or death to them - my feelings were not in their mind.
They are in the now - when I got home they had already made up and I just re-started the whole thing by yelling.
They have fragile self-concepts and I broke pieces off because I was embarassed.

Let me tell you folks - it's a whole different ball game when those adolescents that youare trying to deal with are your own!!! As I listened to each of the presentations today all I could think of was that I needed to go home and hug my kiddos and tell them that I was sorry! Sorry for yelling - sorry for over-reacting, sorry for not understanding where they were coming from, and sorry for hurting their feelings!!

The nice thing is - ice cream before dinner forgives a lot of mistakes!!!!

I DEMAND a RECALL!!!!!

Have you ever spent 3 hours of your time and realized you have been cheated? Well - that was my afternoon "science safety" meeting!!!

I should have known I was in trouble when I sat down and Ashley and Susan said "Can you believe this is supposed to last 3 hours?". I'm thinking to myself - 3 hours? Surely not. After the first 30 minutes all I could think was "a 3 hour tour". The Gilligan's Island song continued to play in my head over and over. And who was I stuck with as my captain? Oh yea - my faithful, capable, science curriculum coordinator (a 3 hour tour).

Now - let's think science safety for awhile - first you learn what a fire blanket and a fire extinguisher look like - reminder here - we all have these in our classrooms! Then we get to play games with MSDS sheets. Yes - I said games! Can you match the flammabilty rating with the correct chemical? Can you match the corrosive level with the correct chemical label? Wait - we're not done - only and hour has passed. Now we get to read scenarios of teachers to determine what they did "wrong" in the lab. I know - you're not all science teachers out there but give this one a shot.

Mrs. Gonzales was demonstrating the effect of a rusty nail in boiling water. She had used a bunson burner to boil the water. Once she had completed the demonstration she walked around to the tables to check out the observations her students were making. Whoops - one rascaly student decided to stick a piece of paper in the flame of the bunson burner while her back was turned. What was her mistake? Was she at fault?

PALEASEEEEE!!!!! What kind of idiot turns their back on an open flame? Ginger?

Well, that brings us to hour two - now we get to play another game - using flash cards - determine the appropriate storage cabinet for each chemical. Does it go in the corrosive cabinet? The flammable cabinet? Or general storage? Now - after you spend 20 minutes rearranging the pictures - then you check the hazordous chemical folder that EVERY school has in their chemical storage room that LISTS the proper storage for you!!!!!!!!! (a 3 hour tour....)

Now....we are at about 10 minutes until 4:00 and he is out of fun and games and material - we hope that we are done - NOT. What comes next? Door prizes! Could the door prizes be to leave early? No...... they are science standard textbooks that he has cleaned out of his office...great! He has just enough to keep us there until....4:00!

What can I tell you about safety? Know where the shower is - I already do. Know where your saftey books are - I already do. Read the labels - done! Now, can I have my 3 hours back?

Sit Back and Shut Up!

Sit back and Shut up are commands that I obviously have trouble with. I've probably always had trouble with those words. Seeing as how I was the first girl born into both my father's and mother's sides for 4 generations each!!! - I didn't have to shut up - in fact whatever I said was golden. Coming from that background of being the only girl with two older brothers you can see how shutting up would have its issues. Now - add to that the fact that both of my brothers caused problems in school. Did I? NO - I was the "golden child". I was out to prove to the world that little girls were perfect and it was only those nasty little boys that were troublesome!

So...you can see how my upbringing kind of set me up for a fall in the "real world". As a teacher I have always tried to get better at what I do - teach. I soak up new techniques like a sponge - always looking for a new way to reach kids or make connections. However - what I often have trouble realizing, is that not everyone moves at my pace. That's not good or bad, its just different. When I see "the light" so to speak, I expect everyone to "see the light". That's not how the world or education for that matter works. So I find myself in a position of pushing too much information too fast on too many people and in a rough way. That means I have to stop talking. As I have been told SEVERAL times this summer - "Jessica - you shouldn't talk". But where exactly does that leave me?

Do I hold everything I believe whole-heartedly to be right and good inside and go my own way? Do I play the sneaky back door voice? Am I capable of staying quiet? If today is any indication, than NO - I'm not. I was told not to talk, just to take pictures, and guess what? I talked! Did I ruin things? Am I evil? What exactly is my roll? Why did I learn all of this information if it wasn't to share? I feel like the bluebird with a new song that has it's beak taped shut. If I'm not to sing what am I to do?

I've asked myself that a lot these last couple of weeks and I still struggle with it. Is it enough to make the difference with my kids in my classroom? Do I still feel the need to make an impact on a grander whole school scale? If so, does it need to be a diffrerent school? Am I ready to let the younger, brighter, more energized youth take up the baton for a better school....and if I am, should I still be teaching? What is my roll?

Can I really sit back and shut up? I haven't managed it for 39 years...who thinks I can really do it now?

Pity has its rewards!!!

I'm not sure if it was me whining about having to have a $500 crown (before I can get my braces on!), or the frantic call I made to my mom this morning saying "HELP - I've got to work and my kids won't stop fighting" - but whatever it was, the sympathy did come with rewards!!! When Mitchell and I stopped by her house this afternoon to pick up Peyton - they both said "Surprise"! And what pray tell did they have? A Wii! Yes - that magical item that until a few days ago I didn't even know I wanted or needed! When I looked at her confused she said they just happened to be shopping at Sam's when a new shipment came in so she bought one for herself and one for us!

Now the practical side of me is saying - if she was going to start throwing around money why not pay for the crown!!! But the impractical side of me was saying...didn't they sell Wii Fits too??? Anyway - maybe frustration does make you stronger, maybe turmoil and troubles do make you appreciate what you have more, and maybe...just maybe...whining sometimes works!!!

I'm off now to create something called a "mii"? I thought I already existed....this is going to take getting used to!!!

Watch out you runners!!!

I'm coming for you! 5 days straight of running 25 minutes! Who would have thought it? I still haven't got the guts to look down at the milage yet - its probably barely 2, but as Peter keeps saying - "Its the time not the miles"!

I felt so good today I thik I'll try for 30 tomorrow - that is if I can find time to get to the gym - redoing your whole room is hard work! I think I'll avoide Peter for awhile - he keeps flashing his fancy watch around - one more thing I'll have to add to my wish list!

I think mine looks a little worse than Lori's...

1. ring (the one I was supposed to get for my 15th aniversary)
2. new camera - old one died
3. Wii and Wii fit (they are one and the same for me)
4. Nike watch and tracker
5. broken leg bills paid off
6. braces paid off
7. world peace and good will to men (if it doesn't cost too much!)

Wahoo-Back in the game!

I have not been successful in my attempts to convince Steve of the necessity of a Wii yet - however - a new printer was a much easier sell. We are now the new proud owners of a new printer! But not only does it print - it copies, it scans - it even faxes!!! I feel so offical. Last night we had friends over I I kept making them give me things to copy - overboard - YES, but I've been printerless for over a year and a half - for a teacher this is heaven!!

I have already printed my CHAMPS activity expectations, my behavior guidelines, new class time schedules, new room labels, new folder labels, agendas for the first Team meeting - I'm ready to go! Its truly scarey how exciting a printer can be. Does this just not go to show how desperate some of us teachers can be?

Just call me one of the herd!

Okay - I have resisted for as long as I can, but now I'm joining the herd. I have never seen the point of gaming systems. Yes...I just said it. I have two boys (three if you count Steve) and we moved from the old PS2 to the XBox 360 and all I saw was $$$$ and time wasted for no good reason.

Then the Wii came along and everyone had to have one. The kids said PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, but this was 2 months after the $400 XBox. I of course being the practical one in the family said no.

Now I've listened to everyone go on and on about how fun the bowling, the tennis and every other game is, but I just can't get that excited about it. I mean if you want to bowl - go bowl right? So we travel 12 hours to CO and now I hear about the Wii fit. This is the new thing that everyone wants. In the back of my head I'm thinking - why not just go to the gym? That's what I do. Ahhh...but that was before. Before I actually tried it.

Yesterday I joined the masses searching for deals on school clothes at Penn Square mall with my kids in tow and what pray tell did they have there? Why a Wii station of course...with 20 Wii Fits set up for anyone and everyone to try.

So...being the squirt he is my younger son challenged me to the hoola hooping - I can't let a challenge go unmet. We hooped, and he won...the first round! It was addictive, and tiring! From there we moved onto skiiing and soccer ball heading, and even my first love yoga! What can I say - I'm hooked! I am now a Wii-aholic! I've been converted - there is a purpose! Now I just have to convince the man with the checkbook that we need one now!!!!!