Crap, Crap, and More Crap!!!!!

Just when you think you're done with it it keeps popping up - kind of like a wart that you thought was gone so you stopped putting medicine on it, stopped wearing the band-aids, and sure enough just as you started to forget it it pops up again~ CRAP!!!!!

My husband's youth was crap, his family was crap, and dealing with it now is still - you guessed it - CRAP!

Shortly after I started working at Alcott, I guess its been almost 9 years his brother shot and killed a highway patrol officer during a no-knock drug warrant. It was a lovely affair where he and his then 16 year old son fired upon a car full of officers who drove onto his property with the lights off and their weapons loaded - one of the shots went through the car door and killed the officer.

That began the CRAP of the century. You then have a trial and then a sentencing - then you have an appeal of the sentence and another and another. A death sentence was handed down, but that has been in appeals for several years.

The real crap of the situation is that my husband is one of very few in the whole family (several generations) to get any education beyond high school. He is a professional - and unlike the brother in prison and the other brother - he neither does, sells, or makes drugs - imagine that. needless to say he makes a good character witness so he's called in every time.

Anyway - trying to tie up a long story. Every time a new lawyer comes on the scene they want to sit down with Steve and have him dredge of the horror of their youth as an explanation as to why Kenny would behave the way he did as an adult. Of course that's just the defense side - when they start talking there is always the prosecuter's side who wants to hold Steve up and say "If he could crawl out and make something of himself - then everyone should be able to". It's a tug-of-war with Steve in the middle fighting a personal moral battle of his own.

Anyway - I am going on again - the point is - the phone call came again this evening. new lawyers in town this Friday - Steve has to meet them Friday afternoon and Saturday for interviews - These guys are from Ohio - OH Goody!!! So he gets to drive to Salisaw and spend the weekend dredging up unpleasant memories.

The real trouble is I'm not sure how to help him - right now we as a couple are rocky at best - mostly because he keeps everything in and can't deal with feelings and relationships - I know after what I just wrote it's real no wonder why. But - after these meetings we used to be able to talk a little and at least I felt like I helped - but now we don't really even talk - what do I do? Mitchell's worried about him.....he'll come home and be more withdrawn.

CRAP, CRAP, CRAP!!!! I had plans for starting the new year on a better footer - out smoother, calmer, maybe even a little closer? And now - CRAP!

What Did The Break Bring?

Hmm....What did the break bring? I would have thought the break would have brought more time to blog - but as I was "chided" today - guess not - but it did bring several things!!!

Let's see - rest - YES!!! I think I needed that almost most of all. Those who know me know I'm a morning person, my time at school around 7:15 AM is my favorite time of the day - no-one around - I get so much done. However, I think I ran my tank a little dry because during the break there was MANY a morning where I was still alseep at 9:00 AM - sometimes even 10:00 - that's unheard of for me - I think it's been since high school since I did that - definitely PRE-Children!!!!

Quality time - definitely!! The boys and I did do that - "Catch-Phrase" was fun, quite a few rounds of poker, even a new game - "Fact or Crap" - sounds bad, but it was really fun!!! Of course the boys - all three enjoyed the 360 and the Wii - Dad bringing home a LCD projector and clearing the pictures off one wall didn't hurt either!!!!

Spending money? Always good at that - got a little extra money from the farm so I spent too much for Christmas - isn't that how it always works? But the look on Mitchell's face when he opened the new Ipod touch that I had convinced him he wasn't going to get was definitely worth it!! Mom is GOOD!!! He thought the box was clothes!! I rock!

Enjoying the dogs - you bet. Poor tubbo Max had trouble keeping up but we had several outings to Sutton - Maggie has energy to spare, Max...needs some work!! The trips IN the lake though - GROSS!!!

Driving - or rather letting Mitchell drive?? Scary!!! It kills me to think I have a child nearly old enough to drive... he backed out of my mother's driveway and drove the block to ours and pulled in to our driveway!! I was a little nervous about the whole driving through the house possibility..but he pulled in safe and sound - a little crooked, but no smashed house!!!!

Reading - My favorite thing. My "secret Santa" gave me a gift certificate to the "crazy Ladies" Used Book Store - What a great idea for someone who reads 5-6 books a week!! I read 22 over the break!! Yes - I even read "Twighlight" - I know - how could I, but not only did all of my kids read it but all my friends did too so I had too - surprisingly good - although now I have to read the rest of them - that's the bummer about series! So watch out Lori - I'm going to fight you for Rhonda's books!!!

Anyway - it was a good break - not necessarily a lot of progress on the marriage front, but then again we didn't do a lot of damage either so I guess that's good.

New Rules for the new Year -

1. Eat Breakfast - Going without is not doing me too well - dropping a size is good, but 2?? Probably not a good idea!

2. Chill - I need to breathe a little more - Breathe before I act or react.

3. Have more faith in my kiddos - My children are good kids - I need to try not to be so hard on them - accept that they (like all of us) are not perfect.

4. Enjoy each day!!

It was great to be back at school!!!!

Gadzooks - I think I have the Answer!!

I have finally solved the problem that has plagued us for years - Why is it that we tend to gain weight in the cooler months and lose weight in the warmer months? I know those scientist people will try to tell you its a hold over from Mother Nature and the desire to hibernate, but they are full of it. I have finally figured the answer out. I have always been puzzled over why it tend to have trouble with my clothes fitting in the fall and winter (too tight) and a little trouble in the spring and summer (too lose) - and for me - someone who tries to stay in shape and eat right this was a real problem! Not any more - its TV!!! Yes- I said it TV. I am putting the blame squarely on the shoulders where it belongs - on TV.

Think about it - here we are and it's fall again, and what has happened? It's new season time. Grey's Anatomy is back - better than ever. Heroes is back where everything is getting turned all around - evil villains are becoming good and good characters are going bad. Then you have Private Practice where some steam is rising. You even have Chuck - who comes in and wins one or two for the geeks squads!! Then you have these new ones that you have to test out - Mentalist? Is it going to work? Don't know yet... Night Rider...not again, please! Life....maybe another season. Then you have the reality shows....America's Got Talent...the opera guy? Come on - a million dollars? Dancing with Stars...I revolt until the old lady goes! And then what about old favorites on off channels like House - the personality master? Then you have HBO coming with the True Blood Series who would have thought vampires in a small town would have been interesting? Then..as if if that's not enough - you have things like Political Debates to watch.

So as you can clearly see it is the fault of TV that I can't get to the gym as often as I should. It is the fault of TV that I am sitting down having a snack in front of it with my kids watching instead of out running a few miles. I've thought about this long and hard. You see - in the spring what happens...RE-RUNS!!! Nothing is on TV to watch so the gym and outside is a great place to be because nothing is on TV anyway.

So I have come to the conclusion that the few extra pounds I carry in the winter months can clearly be blamed on TV - I think I have a good case here - don't you?

What Will I Do...

Have you ever thought what you will do when you turn 96? It's really kind of an interesting question. And in my family - evidently one that needs to be asked quite often. We have an odd mix of family traits - half our family side (my mom's) has a history of senility & Alzheimers while the other side (my dad's) has a history of living a long life. Add those two together - what do you get?? ME - living long but being CRAZY!!!

Anyway - this is where this started - I have a great aunt - Aunt Ruby - She is my late grandfather's sister. She lives alone in Clovis, New Mexico and she is 96 years old - yes I said alone! Over the last couple of years it has gotten a little worse for her (not that anyone is surprised) - her hearing is pretty bad and she has trouble getting around. She and her husband (who died ten years ago) never had children so my Mom and my brothers and I have been like her kids - my poor Mom has inherited taking care of her. Mom and I and my boys have always visited each summer and we keep in touch - well we couldn't go this summer because Mitch broke his leg and my Mom was in Alaska. Boy did it all hit the fan!!!

While my Mom was gone her Minister called saying she had fallen and wouldn't go to the doctor. Then her part-time house-keeper called and said she was hearing voices and was saying she was convinced that the neighbors were planning a plot to come and kidnap her. Her lawyer called and wanted to know why we didn't have a power of attorney for her. Now this was all good and well, but if I say MULE can you get a picture in your mind? Aunt Ruby is 5 feet tall 96 years old and more stubborn than me and my son Peyton put together (now that's really saying something). According to her she's fine, she's not deaf, she's not hearing things, she did not fall, and no one is going to have any power over her!!!

Well, we thought we would let it slide, but the housekeeper called again and so did the minister - Mom is worried. Evidently she has fallen again - this time she did go to the doctor but she won't take the medicine because it makes her tired and she doesn't want to sleep that much - she has more important things to do - She's 96 years old - what else does she have to do?????

I swear - she's a mess. However - she wins! Mitch and Mom and I will be heading to Clovis for Fall Break - Yippee! My job as the youngster is to try and convince her I need to meet her doctor so we can get her back in to the doctor while my Mom gets to mention a "power of attorney". Mitch will get to just try and keep the peace when it all goes to heck in a handbasket!!

What will I do when I'm 96? I hope to heck I've moved somewhere so my kids aren't trying to take care of me. I want to learn shuffleboard and bridge while I'm still young enough to remember that I've learned the skills. And if my Mom's side of the family is any indication - maybe I should start making plans for my 50th!!!!!

Happy or Sad?

I'm a little twisted tonight on what to write. Part of me is really happy about things and part of me is sad.... Maybe a cathartic writing of both will cure what ails me so here goes.

First of all - sad. I'm turning 39 tomorrow. That's not a bad birthday I know, but when I look at my life I'm not quite where I wanted to be at this point. Financially we are still struggling way too much for me to feel good. I mean I have a degree and this is my 16th year teaching - my husband is working on his doctorate and he's an administrator so you'd think we'd be at least better off, but it's still tough to make it some months. So that makes me not happy.

Second, raising two teenage boys is tougher than I ever thought it would be. With a work-aholic husband I feel like I'm on my own too often and not doing a very good job at it. I know I have great kids, but the question is will I survive their raising?

Third - I often wonder when I look at my life - Is this what I had planned? When I was little I used to think I could conquer everything - but have I even made a dent? I don't know? When you get almost 1/2 through your life you have to start thinking these questions.

Okay - now why am I happy? Well - first of all - tomorrow is my birthday, that should always bring a smile. Second, my husband didn't forget! First time in 5 years!! Third - I won a bet with Pete this morning - even though he says it didn't count, Todd agreed that it did so I won! In case you can't guess, I like to win!!

I'm also happy because my oldest is happier - the cripple has been pretty depressed lately with the cast and all. He's been going to the youth program at McFarlin and the extra attetion from the youth director has made a HUGE difference. He's even walked (thigh-high cast and all) to Classic's and McDonald's. He's happy to go to school. That's probably the best thing - to see him getting social again. It was really hard to see him sit in his room and talk about how nobody wanted to be around him and how he didn't want to go to school. Now he's off to Six Flags this Saturday and loving life. He get's a below the knee cast tomorow - he says its my birthday present. That will be another good thing.

So you see - with each year comes the good the bad - the good and the ugly. I guess it's all just in how you take it. I hope I take it okay!

When it just keeps going.....

I have been "whining" about my husband working too much - too many hours for awhile. I mean really, a middle school principal that has to drive bus routes, drive the volleyball girls to their games - he even had to go up on Labor Day weekend to put a desk together for a secretary. So yea, I've been complaining. But then it keeps coming.

Its easy to say my life is so hard until your husband comes home and says "I have an appointment with three lawyers tomorrow in the city - one from Chicago, one from California, and one from OK". I'm thinking - WOW - what's going on....then he says "It's about my brother - he has another appeal going".

Now - the story is not new, but I thought it was finished. My husband's brother is in prison with a death sentence for shooting and killing a highway patrolman - I guess it's been 9-10 years ago. Anyway - We've been to the trial - we went to the sentencing - each time my well-employed, well-educated husband was called to testify. However - we haven't heard anything for awhile, so... I thought it was done. How do you talk to lawyers about your own brother when you think what he did was wrong?

Anyway - too heavy for a blog probably, but since he doesn't talk about it I needed to. Anyway, tomorrow I don't think I will be complaing!

Totally Impressed!

I have to say it - I was sucked in and mesmerized by the special on Friday night - Stand Up 2 Cancer. First of all - 3 major networks all working together - that's impressive. Then - the talent - musical and otherwise - Talk about impressive. Then there was the science - of course I'm a science nerd so that really got to me. They have technology that can identify and track individual cancer cells. I didn't know that! But it was the stories that really got to me. The children, the loved ones, the survivors and those still fighting. I was reaching for tissues within the first 10 minutes.

The statistics were amazing - 1500 people dies every day from cancer - wow. Both of my grandfather died of cancer - one of lung cancer before I was born - the other from cancer of the spine two weeks after my oldest some was born. Its true, cancer touches everyone's life.

Anyway - the special - was amazing. It felt like a real beginning. I was online making my donation. And - being the nerd I am went all the way the Stand Up 2 Cancer website - I read the "where does the money go" and the "mission statement" I even read all about the board of directors and I am still really impressed. I even ordered my SU2C t-shirt.

Isn't it funny - I'm usually not a bandwagon kind of person - but somehow this just seemed like the right bandwagon to jump on!! The video I've put in(if I did it right) is of all the big female artists singing a song called "stand up" - they were amazing!

See the video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrPqNW87ol4


Enjoy!